Fortunately, we like a staycation as much as anybody—more, probably. Though it certainly doesn’t hurt when there are perfectly good, cheap entertainment options at the mall or where-have-you. We’re easy like that.
Some people may be wondering why I’m not playing devil’s advocate and siding with Voldemort. Let me tell you: It’s because the Death Eaters have Bellatrix on their side. That chick be cray-cray.
Still, that doesn’t mean we don’t like a change of scene every now and then, and from here you can find countless possibilities within an hour’s drive or so, such as the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach. That’s it in the upper left there—I know the surrounding scenery draws the eye. But let’s go inside, shall we?
...because really, the view from up top’s practically as good as down below. There’s a spa, there’re shops, there’re rentable cabanas—but honestly, I came here for some peace and quiet, and it’s far easier to get that above the fray, away from the hyperactive kids and the bustling pool service. Plus I just like people-watching from on high. It looks more ominous that way.
But if I want to chill without looking completely antisocial, there’s always the unhurried lounge, where I can order drinks and listen to the pianist run through a repertoire of everything from “Someone to Watch Over Me” to “The Edge of Glory.” Seriously, we heard him play that one. The only thing is that in a place like this, I get self-conscious enough that I’m popping breath mints constantly. Why do I always get onions on my burger?
Another option is taking a leisurely stroll on the grounds, which is where we find another distinctive characteristic of the Montage: falcons! Their job is simply to control the seabird population—periodically, one is sent up to make a circuit, and that’s all it takes to deter the local gulls. Smart. I just feel bad for their handler, who has to answer the same four or five questions from every single person who goes by.
I have to admit, I’m not that fond of raptors. I tried my paw at falconry once—and only once. Turns out that falcons don’t really respect rabbits as authority figures. More to the point, when it becomes a power struggle, they really don’t like being slapped by rabbits.
Still, either the birds get sufficient food elsewhere or there are rabbit holes to spare, because we saw a number of my peeps darting around the hotel, in no particular rush in their snacking. What up, homie?
Actually, this was a big Orange County summer for us: We went to the Montage, we went to Pageant of the Masters, and we made time for Roger’s Gardens as well—we generally go for the Christmas displays each year, but this is the first time in ages we’ve made the trip in summer.
I can see we’ve been missing out.
Even so, I’ve come here enough times over the years that the constant turnover of inventory notwithstanding, it almost feels like a familiar getaway in its own right. I actually sat in the patio furniture section for ten minutes before I remembered it’s a nursery—there’s no drink service here.
Iconographic statuary, though? They do have that. How goes, St. Francis? I know I’m a few weeks early, but as long as I’m here, can I get a re-up on last year’s blessing?
Of course, the most important OC trip of the summer was our visit to Balboa Island, where we ran around for an entire afternoon gathering material for our tribute to Arrested Development. In fact, we had a number of outtakes from that shoot, and of all the ones that didn’t make the cut, this was the last to go, because we just couldn’t make the “Moo, honey” reference work. Sorry, Bessie.
However, that wasn’t our only AD-themed excursion. One day we decided to swing by Marina del Rey for Fisherman’s Village, a waterfront mall made to look like, well, a fisherman’s village. Sounds picturesque, right?
Even on a summer afternoon, though, the place was pretty sleepy—just a handful of tourists while we were there, the type who dress so brightly that they blended in with the jauntily painted buildings. But there’s only one building that we came to see...
...this one. Does it look familiar? If not, just give me a second...
...because with some produce that we picked up on the way over and a little forced perspective...
...voilà, instant big yellow joint. For yes, despite Arrested being set in OC, the banana stand scenes were shot right here in LA County. Don’t think we made a mistake going all the way to Balboa, though; most of the story in that entry (such as me storming out on my brothers) was fictitious, but I did legitimately eat three frozen bananas that day. And it was awesome.
Other than that, however, there wasn’t tons for me to do in Fisherman’s Village—I can’t ride a human-size bike, I’m not gonna rent a boat, the shopping’s limited, and I wasn’t hungry, so all that left was watching the pelicans. But hey: in the background, an actual loose seal!
On the whole, then, this was a quieter summer than last year, but I’m not complaining—as I said, lying low is nice too. Especially since mundane, everyday life presents enough challenges on its own, particularly at my scale. Just one more reminder that this is a human-dominated world.
...with some reminders being more graphic than others. A moment of silence for the unfortunate victims.
So, all the more reason to spend time at home, where it’s safe and my brothers are waiting to start the entire Harry Potter cycle over again. When it comes down to it, there’s nothing like domesticity, is there?
Man, Richard Harris as Dumbledore. Were we really so young once?
