Happy 2010! We kick things off with a visit to LA’s Natural History Museum, which promises lots of taxidermy, funny rocks, and wonky lighting. Join us, won’t you?
Unfortunately, T-Rex and Triclops there are the only dinos currently on display—we’re catching the museum in the middle of a big construction phase, so that’s all the paleontology we’re getting. Only recently dead stuff for us today! With that in mind, past the main entrance is this massive oarfish, which, as you can see, just keeps on going for a while. In fact, the sign says it measures over four meters in length—and that’s less than half the size of the largest confirmed one. That...is a lot of ugly sushi.
Moving on, we enter the Halls of Mounted Dioramas. If you were with us for the zoo trip, you have the fortune of knowing what the backside of an okapi looks like. Well, here’s the front, where their giraffe-ness really comes through. I admire the diorama builders’ restraint in not having either one licking its own eyelids, as okapis are wont to do. The freaks.
Guess this is as close as I’ll ever be getting to a cape buffalo. Of the “Big Five” prized by game hunters—the other four being the lion, the leopard, the elephant, and the rhinoceros—it’s actually these guys that are the most dangerous, because they’re the most aggressive and the likeliest to kill a human. They’re not shy about killing lions, either. Me? Not going out to the savannah without a flamethrower.
Rob, quick—I’ll stand guard, you throw a chair through the glass and get all the qiviut!
The coyote diorama. Ugh, I can’t bear to watch—tell me when it’s over.
...oh. Well, who’s laughing now, Wile E.?
Sensibly, at this point Rob moves us on to another area, which showcases Californian history and material culture.
Hey, coyotes. Don’t start anything you can’t finish.
Next up is the Hall of Gems and Minerals. Actually, this was the real highlight of the visit, because of the sheer variety of stones found in the collection. Glittery gold, waxy jade, chalky microcline, florid rhodonite, sleek hematite—they’re all here, and a lot more besides, such as this elegant tower of beryl.
Here’s a recovered chunk of meteorite, which, to my great disappointment, just feels like any old rock. Granted, I don’t know what else I was expecting out of it. Okay, maybe superpowers.
Mmm. Jabby, but if this is the throne I can get, I’ll learn to live with it.
Then upstairs was the bird wing. No, they’re not ortolans, so you can just put down that napkin, Grabby.
Much to our surprise, the bird exhibit segues into the rainforest exhibit. Hey there, Mr. Deadly Sin! How’s it hangin’?
I suppose you’ll want me to do the yell.
Okay, Rob, that’s a wrap! Let’s go home—I’ve got a coyotes-vs.-cape buffalos deathmatch to set up...
