You know, I don’t think Damage was supposed to just rip open the envelope and pull out the cash in front of the person who gave it to him. That seems like bad form.
Then, seeing as it’s a special year for bunnies, Rob thought we might like to go to the New Year’s parade in Chinatown, but for once my brothers all begged off, out of concern about the nonstop firecracker noise in their ears. But dedicated professional that I am, I was willing to take this one for the team! Well, and my earplugs!
We had some time to kill before the parade began, and Chinatown being on the small side, it was fairly packed—the sidewalks were crowded, the shops were bustling, festival vendors congested things further, and in Central Plaza, someone my size had to jostle constantly just to catch a glimpse of the performers on stage.
Chinese acrobats. Everywhere I go, Chinese acrobats.
Then around 1 o’clock, we staked out a place on the curb just as the parade was starting. Mayor Villaraigosa—rocking a red changshan—kicked it off, leading the crowd in alternating Chinese and Angeleno chants of Gung hay fat choy! and ¡Felix año nuevo chino! That’s covering your bases.
And then came our main ethnic representative, in the form of...a movie tie-in. This town, I swear.
After that came a series of floats, local dignitaries, marching bands, and even martial artists, but the parade participants who drew some of the most enthusiastic response were the dragon dancers, a number of whom snaked their way down the street bearing dragons in a variety of colors and sizes.
That poor sucker’s just never gonna catch that pearl, is he?
Then there were the lion dancers. My new brothers Menace and Rancor had never seen those before—not even on TV—so before we left for Chinatown, they asked Rob what those performances are like. He told them, “It’s just two guys under a sheet, with one thrusting the head up and down.”
Completely unironically, he said this. It was only when some of us fell over laughing that he realized how it came out.
After the parade, it was time to shop! We meandered around the stores and festival booths, but it was the bakeries we targeted most—so of course they were the busiest of all, but eventually we made it out with the char siu bao Rob promised my brothers as well as enough mooncakes for everybody! Well, except I bought myself an extra one to eat immediately. Hey, I work hard all year, I deserve nice things.
And then despite myself, I gave in to mob mentality and got some of those Party Snaps people were setting off literally every second. Why not, it’s a holiday. Watch your feet—I got a pawful of bang to unleash.
Soon enough, it was dinnertime! Even hours after the parade, all the restaurants were overflowing, so we ended up going with the first place that said they could seat us in under forty-five minutes.
I don’t know what Rob’s getting, but suddenly I want seafood.
...which worked out perfectly, since they were already out of the beef chow fun Rob originally wanted. (Long noodles = long life, according to tradition.) Granted, with this many people they probably ran out of everything before long, so I likely got my scallops with black bean sauce just in time!
And that was it for our Chinese New Year excursion—we had baked goods to get back to my brothers, after all. But not without one last stroll through Central Plaza, now that it was all lit up.
Looks almost magical at night, doesn’t it? They should do a movie about this part of town sometime.
Oh, right.
